When who’s your daddy is a
multiple choice question…
multiple choice question…
Paranormal Psychologist
Matilda Schmidt is one client away from fa-la-la-la-losing it. Holiday cheer is
in the air, gun-toting fruitcakes are in her office, and she’s spinning through
mood swings fast enough to make her toss her cookies–even without the morning
sickness.
Matilda Schmidt is one client away from fa-la-la-la-losing it. Holiday cheer is
in the air, gun-toting fruitcakes are in her office, and she’s spinning through
mood swings fast enough to make her toss her cookies–even without the morning
sickness.
When Ol’ Kris Kringle goes
AWOL after a nervous breakdown, his disgruntled elf is convinced that only
Matilda can get him back on his sleigh in time to keep humans from tearing each
other apart quicker than couponeers at a Black Friday sale.
AWOL after a nervous breakdown, his disgruntled elf is convinced that only
Matilda can get him back on his sleigh in time to keep humans from tearing each
other apart quicker than couponeers at a Black Friday sale.
But their efforts hit the
skids when the men in Matilda’s life show up and demand to know which of them
is responsible for the bun in her oven: the hot hit man who’s likely to stuff
her stocking with ammunition, or the delicious demigod who’s made Santa’s
naughty list a couple centuries running.
skids when the men in Matilda’s life show up and demand to know which of them
is responsible for the bun in her oven: the hot hit man who’s likely to stuff
her stocking with ammunition, or the delicious demigod who’s made Santa’s
naughty list a couple centuries running.
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I like gravy.
This has nothing to do with the rest of my bio,
but I thought you ought to know.
but I thought you ought to know.
About the writing thing…
I wrote my first play when I was six and made my
brothers perform it for my parents. I charged gum wrappers for admission (a
steal, in my opinion, considering I had handed out the gum wrappers ahead of
time). While I seriously doubt you’ll be seeing any of my formative work on
Broadway anytime soon, I can credit these early experiments with the first of
many important lessons I learned about writing: no matter how brilliant your
manuscript is, some kid can go streaking butt-ass nekkid across the living room,
and totally undermine your vision.
brothers perform it for my parents. I charged gum wrappers for admission (a
steal, in my opinion, considering I had handed out the gum wrappers ahead of
time). While I seriously doubt you’ll be seeing any of my formative work on
Broadway anytime soon, I can credit these early experiments with the first of
many important lessons I learned about writing: no matter how brilliant your
manuscript is, some kid can go streaking butt-ass nekkid across the living room,
and totally undermine your vision.
Everyone watches the naked kid because running
across the living room with your cheeks flapping in the breeze is friggin’
hilarious.
across the living room with your cheeks flapping in the breeze is friggin’
hilarious.
Cue the lightbulb moment. People like funny stuff!
I never quite gave up on the writing thing, even
as I tried my hand at being a dusty academic turned Executive Assistant (they
paid me to nag! How cool is that?), but in those quiet moments when expense
reports had been filed and to-do items checked off, the funny people in my head
kept talking to me.
as I tried my hand at being a dusty academic turned Executive Assistant (they
paid me to nag! How cool is that?), but in those quiet moments when expense
reports had been filed and to-do items checked off, the funny people in my head
kept talking to me.
Yes, I know they have medication for that. It’s
called vodka.
called vodka.
Since they discourage drinking at work, I
started writing instead. What came out was an amalgamation (vocabulary!) of all
the things I love: funny stuff, art, psychology, food, people, and
paranormal critters!
started writing instead. What came out was an amalgamation (vocabulary!) of all
the things I love: funny stuff, art, psychology, food, people, and
paranormal critters!
Et voila! The Case Files of Dr. Matilda
Schmidt, Paranormal Psychologist were born.
Schmidt, Paranormal Psychologist were born.
When I’m not sitting in my office watching cat
videos and pretending to write, I like cooking, knitting (badly), and reading
anything that makes me laugh (like my bank statements).
videos and pretending to write, I like cooking, knitting (badly), and reading
anything that makes me laugh (like my bank statements).
I live in Colorado with my brilliant husband and
three surly cats.
three surly cats.
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